Thursday Pass

My favorite comedian of all time. You used to be able to buy his cds here, but now there's just an amusing error message. I'm not sure where you can buy his cds now, but I'm sure my little ad-box on the side of my page will provide you with a link if you click long enough.You can also visit his homepage, which is absolutely hilarious. There's all sorts of stuff, like directions to the best pizza in Minnesota, or "Things Mitch Would Reccomend if He Reccommended Things."

Some quotes by Mitch:

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow shit.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide."

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

 ...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

If that wasn't enough quotes for you, check this out: Quotes.

An AIM error message:

"The message cannot be sent for the following reasons: The message cannot be sent."

As DJ has pointed out, that's like saying because. AIM is yelling "We don't have to send your message, and we don't have to tell you why we won't, either." F&$* you, AIM.

Instructions on my loan application:

"Please read all of the enclosed documents, sign the application, and then return it to your school for approval."

(on an enclosed document) "DO NOT CONTACT YOUR SCHOOL. Return the application to us, and we will obtain approval from your school."

Does this seem confusing to anyone else? What do I do? Oh, too late. My head just exploded.

My new chemistry professor:

"We know that some things are ALIVE and some are NOT. A rock is a rock, and it will never be anything but a rock. A chicken is a chicken, not a rock. It was a chicken yesterday, it is a chicken today, and tomorrow it will be LUNCH."

"Here are examples of two carbon based compounds. One is TATP, the material used in the London subway bombings. The other is sucrose. The two are very different, as you can see. One is tasty, and the other explodes."

I think I'm gonna like this guy! And keep in mind: a chicken is not a stone. Unless it's a stone chicken, or course.

Who can argue with great hits such as "Why is there air?" and "To my brother, Russell, whom I slept with"? No one. And you know why? Because...well...there's the puddin, and the jello....

Bill has been in comedy most of his life, although he did say in an interview with Playboy in 1969 that he intended to "get out of showbiz within five years." He has numerous cds (some originally released as LP's), and has had a renowned career in television, as well. His hit show "The Cosby Show" ran from 1989-1992, and reruns can still be seen on TBS, WGN, and other stations. A schedual and brief synopsis of each episode can be found at http://www.tv-now.com/stars/bcosby.html

Cosby has also been very active in the African-American community, trying to better the lives of children in urban areas. He is often very outspoken in his beliefs. (http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/11/cosby/) The real surprise is his treatment of African-Americans. He has been known to berrate them for not trying to make their own lives better, and for not emphasising education for their children.

He is also a recipient of Presidential Medal of Freedom. When President Bush called his name to come up and receive the medal, Cosby supposedly leaped out of his seat and yelled "Present!"

Bill Cosby does have a dark side, as demonstrated by this fun Bill Cosby game: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/218789 And if this game isn't enough for you, you can check out all the Cosby-related videos and games Newgrounds has to offer at http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/search.php?kind=j&terms=bill%20cosby .

Cosby on old age: "Gray hair is God's graffiti." and "One of the great mistakes that can be made of a man my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children---unless of course, they are under age six. And even then, stay away from Hide-And-Seek."

I've interupted this update 7 times, watching The Cosby Show. The man is truly my idol, and my only hope is that I one day get to meet him. To that end, please visit my store and help support my goals. If you don't Bill Cosby will get you!

Robert and I were walking along in WoW, fighting those Defias bastards once again. And all of a sudden, just as he got ahead of me a bit, this "thing" runs up and starts attacking me. As I was about level 13 at the time and he was in the mid-twenties, I went screaming up behind him typing "AAAAAHHHH. HEEEEELLLP" Like a wimpy little girl. After he disposed of the elusive little bastard (I haven't seen one since), our conversation went as follows:

Robert: WTF? What was that?

Me: I don't know, just started following me.

Robert: From WHERE????

Me: (guesturing around vaguely) Back there?

Turns out it was a level 19 Dust Devil elemental. Nifty, right? Yeah, I thought so.

My honors professor was reading aloud questions that we had written during a group presentation concerning the 17th century. Some were simple, such as "Who debunked Aristotle?" or "Who were the three most famous Baroque artists?"

She stumbled across one question, however, that had the entire class in fits of giggles for almost an hour.

"How many countries were involved in the rush to colonize in the 1600's?"

Not which countries, but how many. And not even how many countries had colonies, but how many were INVOLVED. We spent much time discussing, and decided on seven. A more accurate guess would be ALL OF THEM, but for the sake of answering the question: seven. We've also decided that the question would be killer in multiple choice form.

"How many countries were involved in the rush to colonize in the 1600's?"

a) 4

b) 7

c) 6

d) 27

Hmmm....is this a trick question? I'm not really sure...England, France, Spain, Portugal...was the Ottoman Empire colonizing? Wait, "involved"? Sweden was involved, wasn't it? Can you count African countries as being involved, as they provided slave labor? Ah, fuck it. Seven.

Well, in a rare moment of "hmm...perhaps I'll get lucky," I stuck my name and address in the lottery for residential parking on campus. And, surprisingly enough, I won! I now have to walk 5 minutes to my car, instead of 40. I'm enclosing a map. The red circle is the famous K-lot football stadium parking, where I've been lugging all my stuff when I want to go somewhere. The blue square is my new parking, and the tiny green oval that is RIGHT F*ING NEXT to the blue square is my dorm.

Gonsopher (AKA Jamie), from www.concentricus.com, has pointed out that I must be space cheese, because normal people never win anything. I've posted his website so you can extend your outrage to his FREE message boards. http://coralia.bravehost.com Or, you can always be nice and just give him a "holla."

Oh, and I'm a link whore. Just so you know.

Apparently, to slow the instances of bots creating auto accounts on websites, the nifty "Insert what you see" box was inventented. No big deal. It asks the user to insert a series of letters and numbers that are displayed in a box on the screen. I can handle that. Recently, the device has become more and more common, even being used to prevent comment spamming on this site. Again, cool idea.

What really frosts my buns is that they're making the things so dang confusing that I can't even tell what the letters and numbers are. I have provided a conservative example. I say conservative because the computer I am on has only paint, and I cannot accurately represnt the mess without sophisticated imaging software. Perhaps in the future I shall, to make my point clearer.

Here is the perhaps not so complete listing of all the words and phrases I use that make me sound old:

Nifty, Spiffy Oh my, Oh dear, What fun!

(There are others. I am drawing a blank)

And on to further business. Check out my online store at www.cafepress.com/thursdaypass. There's not much there yet, but there will be, I promise.

So I've tried blogger, Yahoo 360, bolt, livejournal, freewebs, and others. Nothing has quite fit. I've gone around linking all of my old websites and blogs to each new one. Hopefully, the linkfest stops here. We shall see, blog.com, we shall see.

Thanks to DjangoDurango, the future Madame of the Happy Banana (located convieniently next to the Frankness Academy) for recommending the site. There is a link to her creativeness on the sidebar. Click it, or else!